This week my parents celebrate their 51st Wedding Anniversary. I have been blessed in many ways, but none more than them. They are at the foundation of everything good in my life. I truly hit the parent lottery, and their love, guidance, and support have shaped me in more ways than I can express.
Leadership is often perceived through a lens of charisma, strategic vision, or authoritative power. Yet, some of the most enduring lessons in leadership come from the underlying values instilled in us during our formative years. My parents lived by and taught me through example these crucial principles that have shaped my understanding of effective leadership.
These principles—unconditional love, leading through service, consistency and structure, accountability, emotional control, character, and being a positive example, form a framework for leading with integrity and impact.
Unconditional Love: The Foundation of Trust
Even when I made mistakes, I always knew my parents loved and cared for me. Even when they were upset with me I knew that they still had my best interests in mind, and they wanted me to become the best version of myself. As a leader this comes easy to some and difficult to others, but when you have genuine affection and care towards the people you serve it transforms the work experience into a much more meaningful one.
At the heart of effective leadership lies the concept of unconditional love. This is about a deep-seated commitment to the well-being of those you lead. Unconditional love in leadership translates to genuine care and concern for team members' success and welfare. The people you serve will make mistakes, understanding that and giving them grace when they do will build a better foundation of trust.
Loving the people you are serving begins with showing empathy and doing your best to listen, understand, and resonate with their needs. When leaders exhibit this kind of love, they foster a culture of trust and loyalty. Team members feel valued and supported, which can significantly enhance motivation and commitment to shared goals.
Serve Others: Putting Others First
My mother is the most altruistic person I know. She puts everyone’s needs in front of her own and goes out of her way to make everyone feel special, loved, and valued. In our community she is always involved in something. Growing up it seemed like she was preparing a meal for a family in need almost every night, helping plan an event, or teaching a class in her church.
Little things like getting up early to make lunch for me and my dad, staying up late to help with homework or sending care packages to me while I was in college were the norm. If you ever have the pleasure of meeting her, she will ask you a million questions about you because she is sincerely interested in learning about you…even crazier she will remember everything she learned and ask follow up questions years later.
Leadership is not about exerting power over others but rather serving them. I have never viewed a leadership position as “Power.” I have always seen it as responsibility to those I serve, and that belief comes directly from my parents. Leading through service means prioritizing the needs and development of your team over your own.
This approach shifts the focus from a top-down hierarchy to a more collaborative, supportive environment. By embracing a servant leadership mindset, leaders empower their teams, provide the tools and guidance needed for success, and cultivate an atmosphere of mutual respect.
Consistency and Structure: Building a Reliable Framework
Consistency and structure are cornerstones of effective leadership. Consistency in decision-making and behavior establishes predictability, which helps team members understand what to expect and how to align their efforts. Structure provides a framework within which teams can operate efficiently and confidently. When leaders model consistency and provide clear, reliable structures, they build a stable environment conducive to productivity and trust.
My siblings and I had daily chores that were the expectation before you went out and played. We had rules about when we could play video games and watch television. There were clear expectations that were to be met, and they were just a part of contributing to our family.
Even more valuable was the consistency and structure that they demonstrated to us. I believe the example they showed was even more valuable than any words spoken. My dad never missed work, never called in sick, is always on time, and true to his word. The only time in the 30+ years he missed work was after surgery and he was back after only a few days.
Accountability: Owning Actions and Outcomes
Accountability is a crucial trait of a strong leader. It involves taking responsibility for one's actions and decisions, as well as holding team members accountable for their roles. By modeling accountability, leaders demonstrate integrity and fairness. This not only reinforces a culture of responsibility but also encourages team members to own their work and contribute to collective success with diligence and integrity.
When accountability is baked into a culture it becomes the norm. Once in a conversation with my wife she asked, “what would your parents have done if you had broken the rules”. I honestly don’t know if I have an answer because I never really considered breaking them. I do remember telling my mom once that I dusted the furniture like I was supposed to. She simply showed me where she had written my name in dust on the top of our piano, she didn’t get angry. Embarrassed, I completed the chore like I was supposed to do before heading outside to play.
Emotional Control: Navigating Challenges with Poise
Family lure goes back to a time when my mother chased my brother Brian with a frozen turkey trying to hit him for some wise ass comment he made. Anyone who knows Brian already assumed correctly that he deserved it, but the truth is I never saw my mom raise her voice or lose her cool. Even when she “wrongly” believed that I came home from Las Vegas with a tattoo, she didn’t freak out…for what it’s worth some of the fake tattoos are quite realistic looking.
Leaders often face high-pressure situations and complex challenges. Emotional control is vital in these scenarios, as it enables leaders to respond calmly and thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. Maintaining composure under stress helps leaders make reasoned decisions and sets a positive example for the team. It also fosters a more stable work environment where issues are addressed constructively rather than through emotional outbursts.
I have never seen my parents fight or yell at each other either. I am not naive enough to believe that they get along with each other all the time, but they obviously navigated disagreements with each other when we weren’t around. They always did an exceptional job of controlling their emotions even when they had a right to be upset and by doing that, they set a wonderful example for me and my siblings.
Character: The Bedrock of Integrity
Character is the bedrock upon which effective leadership is built. It encompasses traits such as honesty, humility, fairness, and respect. A leader with strong character earns the respect and trust of their team through consistent ethical behavior and principled actions. Character drives the leader’s decisions and interactions, ensuring they are aligned with the values and vision of the organization.
By embodying strong character my parents fostered an environment where we were able to grow and develop. The bedrock of having a commitment to ethical behavior and transparency makes everything else seem to fall in place. Honesty and trust became the natural byproduct of our family’s culture, and these values have a ripple effect on everyone else they come into contact with. I believe anyone who knows my parents would say the same thing.
Inspire Through Actions: Being a Positive Example
Leaders are often looked upon as role models, and their actions speak louder than words. Being a positive example involves embodying the values and behaviors you expect from your team. Leaders who demonstrate resilience, optimism, and a strong work ethic inspire their teams to emulate these qualities.
My parents have never let me down; I have never seen them behave in a way contrary to what they believe. They are both very religious people, and they honor their faith in the most appropriate way, they abide by the principles they believe in. They don’t judge other people who don’t feel the same way, they don’t tell other people how they should live their lives. They simply act in accordance with their beliefs every day.
As leaders we should do the same, let our people know what we believe and do our best to live by those values. Positive role modeling creates an environment where excellence and integrity are the norms, not the exceptions and what leader’s model will become the standard in an organization.
Conclusion
Effective leadership is a multifaceted endeavor, deeply rooted in core values, and principles. The lessons I’ve learned from my parents offer a powerful guide for leading with authenticity and impact. I don’t know if I will ever do as well as my parents did, but I try my best to integrate these principles into my leadership and parenting approach. Living these principles will foster a thriving and supportive environment, and also pave the way for sustainable success and meaningful growth for everyone you serve. Thank you, mom and dad, I love you both!
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