A few years ago, my daughter Attalyn asked if she could have my old iPod. She has loved music since she was very little, and I didn’t really consider the Pandora’s Box of music I was gifting her at that time. One interesting thing I have noticed in my life is you never know what is going to spark an interest or curiosity in another person. Thanks to that old iPod, she quickly fell in love with the punk band Blink 182. She is now eleven, knows every song and almost everything about the band, and her wardrobe disproportionately consists of their t-shirts.
She was beyond excited when it was announced that Tom was rejoining the band and they would be releasing a new album. When the new record ‘One More Time’ was announced, we had to pre-order the “Purple Ooze” collector’s edition vinyl, and she counted down the days until the album showed up at our doorstep. We have enjoyed listening to their albums together, both old and new, and she has even made up some great PG lyric substitutions, like:
The steps that I retrace
The sad look on your face
The timing and structure
Did you hear he played chess with her?
Sometimes a single commonality with someone can help build a relationship that is so much more significant. It provides a comfortable, common ground that is safe. As a parent, it has been very interesting to see what connections form with my children. It is different things with each of them, but those connections make relationships more special. I once heard that, if you see a spark in someone, dump gasoline on it, and that is what my wife and I have tried to do with our kids. Supporting the things they are interested in, and encouraging growth and curiosity in those areas.
It’s interesting how a common interest can naturally increase communication with another person, and open doors for other discussions as well. Her love for Blink 182 has lead to many conversations, not just about music, but many other things as well. Recently she has taken interest in learning the guitar, and I have enjoyed sharing my knowledge and teach her about the instrument I love. Of course the first song she wanted to learn was ‘Dammit’ by Blink 182.
Last year I lost a lifelong friend of mine to skin cancer; it was a difficult week preparing to speak and play guitar at his funeral. Following the service, she accompanied me on a 300 mile drive to St. George, Utah and assigned herself the role of DJ on the trip. She asked me thoughtful questions about my friend and we listened and sang along with Blink 182 for the entire four hour drive. The music, her energy, and dancing were the perfect therapy for what had been a pretty heavy week. She also provided me with a wonderful memory with her that I will cherish forever.
When it was announced that Blink 182’s summer tour would be coming to Salt Lake, she was beyond excited. We told her that the tickets were very expensive so if she wanted to go she would need to earn the privilege. We asked her to prepare an action plan to attend. She organized her ideas, and put together a darling presentation that contained everything she would need to do to be able to attend. Her list included extra chores each week, additional reading, completion of new art projects, community service helping out some of our neighbors, and I asked her to read the great book ‘Atomic Habits’ by James Clear.
We made a chart that included a countdown calendar until the concert and places for her to check off each of the requirements so that she could attend, we wanted a very visual representation of what she was trying to accomplish. We also incorporated a ‘three strikes rule’ stating that she would receive a strike if her behavior or actions weren’t appropriate and three strikes meant no concert. She did a good job holding up on her side of the deal. She waited a little to close to the end on a few of the requirements, but I am proud of the effort she made and she ultimately did all of the things she set out to do.
The big day finally arrived and she was so excited; she had decided her outfit days in advance and had been following the previous shows set lists online just hoping that some of her favorite songs would be played. We went downtown hours in advance so she could get the limited edition show poster, and pick out a t-shirt before the rest of the crowd showed up. We had an absolutely perfect night, she sang every song at the top of her lungs, and afterwards she said it was the best night of her life.
What does any of this have to do with parenting or leadership? I have found that when I am doing either one of those roles well I am doing these things:
1. Talk to people and find commonalities
2. Support the things they are interested and encourage curiosity.
3. Involve them in setting the objectives.
4. Hold them accountable.
5. Share knowledge, give direction, and be a teacher.
6. Creating unique memories and experiences together.
I have seen Blink 182 a few times in my life, but this was my favorite show because of her presence. She wanted this experience. She put together a plan so that she could attend, and she followed through with her plan. We worked together, there was reciprocation and cooperation and ultimately we both upheld our side of the agreement. Her being there made the concert more enjoyable not only for me but my wife and friends who attended with us. We enjoyed a unique experience and have a lifelong memory to cherish.
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